“Quit waiting to be loved in your stupid love language.”
Sometimes I write to myself as if I was being counseled. (You know, like you see in the movies)
I tell my current saga, the complaints, the whining and then I think back through what I know to be true and tell myself what to do.
Don’t roll your eyes and laugh at me, you do this every day in your own mind, you just might not write it down.
It goes something like this, “ Maybe I should do this but if I do that… then I can’t do this and I’ll have to do it alone because no one will be available and blah blah blah it goes around in your head.”
Sometimes for me it is easier to write it out. And so one time in the middle of my rambling, writing, complaint sessions with myself I said, “Quit waiting to be loved in your stupid love language”.
In thinking about Valentine’s Day and how some people “expect to get” chocolate candy in a heart shaped box (didn’t you always hope some kid in a grade higher would bring you a box, with the fancy lid, at school, in front of everyone). Some expect flowers from a florist with baby’ s breath and a fancy ribbon. Maybe a dinner out or a super romantic card. Some sort of something that makes them feel special, valued and worthy of love.
There are great books about “The Five Love Languages” by Gary Chapman. These are very insightful and definitely worth a read. As you read along you’ll begin to know yourself in a new light and hopefully those around you. You’ll see that you really feel most loved when someone spends time with you, touches you, gives you gifts, uses affirming words or does wonderful things for you. One of these five languages, the author unpacks for you, is your primary love language. The way one would express or receive love. So if you really like receiving gifts, you will feel especially loved or not by getting a gift on Valentine’s Day. Since you are so used to expressing love in your language you will just expect to get your love language returned . But reread that book or stop and think about it a minute, it is highly unlikely that you married or are dating someone with your love language. Even your siblings, children or best friend likely don’t have your love language. So what does this mean? You aren’t loved?
Maybe it means that love is a choice and in the same way we make a conscious decision to love well we can make a conscious decision to feel loved even when our expectations are not met.
Maybe you can tell yourself to let go of your unmet expectations and love yourself by loving others.(heard that somewhere before…)
Is it, in fact, love when you obligate someone to bring you candy, take you to dinner, etc. etc.
Yes, most certainly you should be able to communicate what you enjoy, if given the opportunity, but to “expect it”?
Have you been telling yourself the truth and making a big deal out of how you are and have been loved?!
Tell yourself the truth and then think about the other person’s love language. It could be they are loving you big time in their language.
Could you have been receiving love through touch, acts, time or words and didn’t even notice it as love?
Choose to truly love those around you by releasing them of your unmet Valentine needs, or “whatever time” needs (birthday,Christmas, anniversary, Mother’s day).
Choose yourself to love well in a language others can receive.
Perhaps it would be advisable to tell yourself to slow down and think about all the ways you have been loved, in the language in which that person you expect from, has loved you. You could write it down and you can even celebrate it.
HAPPY VALENTINE’S TO YOU!
Love is a choice, a choice God lets us make. A choice He made towards us.
If you are wondering about me, well I’m loved in many languages, and often even with flowers!