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You Heard Me, Hannah Remembered

  • Posted on February 9, 2015 at 11:29 am

Back in  2010 I wrote these thoughts about Hannah (her story can be found in I Samuel in the Bible) and about myself. While living in Illinois, in 1989, I had intently poured out my heart to God, without reserve, regarding the  longing which had seemingly, somehow turned into a need. I found great courage in her story. I hope you will too.

YOU HEARD ME, Hannah Remembered

IN FULL ABANDONMENT, I FALL ON MY KNEES.
MY HEART NO LONGER PROTECTED, I RELINQUISH ALL CONTROL-
I SEEK YOU, I BEG YOU, I RISK ALL,
I THROW MYSELF AT YOUR FEET ,
I CRY OUT IN TOTAL DESPERATION.
IN MY LAMENT I TELL YOU ALL MY DISAPPOINTMENT.
I POUR OUT MY EVERY LONGING,
EVERY EMPTY FEELING,
EVERY WOUNDING.
I REMIND YOU OF YOUR POWER TO ENCOMPASS ALL MY NEEDS,
DIDN’T YOU PLACE THEM HERE WITHIN ME?
I AM EXHAUSTED, MY HAIR WET FROM SOAKING TEARS,
I HAVE NOTHING…
I FEEL FOOLISH, IN MY DISPLAY OF GRIEF AND PAIN
AND YET…
I HAVE NOTHING TO LOSE IN LETTING YOU SEE MY UNCLOTHED SOUL,
IT LIES BEAR NOW BEFORE YOU.
I LEAVE AT YOUR FEET, ALL..
ALL NEED, ALL DESIRE, AND I BEG YOU, DO SOMETHING!
TAKE IT ALL AWAY, DO WITH IT AS YOU WILL.
I CARE NOT HOW,
I CAN BEAR IT NO LONGER.
I KNOW YOU KNOW ME,
I KNOW YOU LOVE ME.
WITH HOPE AND ABANDON, I WAIT
ON YOUR FEET I LEAVE IT.
I LEAVE IT ALL ON YOU.
I WAIT…….ON YOU.

YOU HEARD ME!
YOU HAVE PULLED ME EVER SO GENTLY TO YOUR SIDE
AND THE DANCE I FEEL IN MY SPIRIT, I CAN BARELY CONTAIN.
I FEEL LIGHT AS A FEATHER.
MY JOY SEEMS TO KNOW NO BOUNDS.
MY FEET HARDLY TOUCH THE GROUND.
I GIGGLE AND LAUGH.
MY CHATTERING TO YOU IS CONSTANT.
I HAVE KNOWN YOUR LOVE,
KNEW YOU MUST LOVE ME,
YET NOW I WILL NEVER BE THE SAME.
YOU HAVE MET MY NEED
OH YES AND MY DESIRES.
YOU HAVE GIVEN OUT OF THE DEPTHS OF WHO YOU ARE.
YOU SHOWER ME WITH ABUNDANCE
YOU HAVEN’T LEFT MY SIDE.
LIKE A PRINCESS YOU HAVE SWEPT ME OFF THE FLOOR
LIKE A PRINCESS ALL EYES ARE ON ME NOW-
AND I LOOK TO YOU MY RESCUER, MY HERO.
MY HEART IS FULL.
I BOW IN HUMBLED ADMIRATION,
YOU THE LIFTER OF MY SOUL
THE SOLID STEADFAST ONE.
THERE IS NONE LIKE YOU.
I WILL SING OF YOU FOREVER
AND ALL WILL KNOW YOU AS MY FAITHFUL ONE.
FOR I ASKED,
AND YOU HEARD.

(by:Melanie LeDoux 9/2010)

Childless no more

  • Posted on February 5, 2015 at 1:21 pm

It was a cold snowy day in February, back in the late 70’s when after an exploratory surgery the doctor matter-of-factly told me that I would not be able to have children but that I could always adopt. And if you know me, even a little bit, you know I thought “well whatever God has for me”. Years went by and every now and then I would feel an unsettled emotion in my spirit about the whole thing. Especially after I looked out my upstairs window one afternoon and saw a beautiful homemade baby afghan laying in the street. I went down and picked it up, and I heard in my spirit, “it will be filled with a baby”.
More years go by and a longing began to set into my spirit for an infant. I did not know if a baby would appear on my door step, if someone would have a baby for me to adopt, but I began reading and rereading the story of Hannah in the Bible. I began praying and talking with God about this child, pouring out my heart and telling him of my desire, that felt like a “need” but if He didn’t want to fill it then to please take away the feelings of need. A dear friend suggested I see a new doctor and so I did. The new doc reviewed my info and again felt like it was unlikely that even in vitro would work for me. I asked if I might try a fertility drug, she laughed, she told me that wasn’t my problem but it wouldn’t hurt and she appeased me with a prescription. I don’t know why I even asked but I did. I started the medicine and a few weeks later I was scheduled to have another exploratory surgery but I had the to opportunity to visit my family in North Carolina so I postponed the surgery. While visiting family I felt ill and my sister insisted I take a trip to her doctor. You are right if you are guessing that it was the summer of 1989 and that in the spring of 1990 my first born son, was born. And that blanket, saved so many years before brought home my gift from God. (and you may know God opened my womb twice more, that’s another story!)

Today it is a cold snowy day, again in February, and I am sitting in a hotel room in West Virginia waiting for my phone to ring. You see my daughter-in-law, of that first born son, is in labor with my first grandchild. A child whose existence I could not have even imagined all those years ago. I’m told it will be a girl, she should arrive today. I can’t wait to know her well. I am wearing a pink sweater, I have my nails painted pink too, but more than anything my spirit is alive with what God can do, what He has done, how He can really guide us if we want Him to. I am thinking you should be reminded.